Getting Fired from A New Job — Here’s How in 10 Easy Steps

You just started a new job.  You were hired because you were qualified and appeared to fit the company culture.   You know all the tricks for sailing through the first 90 days, but let’s have a little fun. Read on for ten easy steps to getting fired!

The fact is, getting yourself fired isn’t that hard to do — although it takes some sneaky talent. So, here’s the 411 on getting yourself sacked.

  1. Show Up Late: Not right away, and not too often at first. That would be too obvious. Just here and there, and a little more, and then a little more. If you get reprimanded, apologize like crazy, and then show up on time for at least two days before being late –
  2. Ignore Your Training: This might be a little tricky since you did spend the first couple of days trying to pay attention. But you’ll find ways to disregard the things you were taught. Have a couple of good excuses on hand as to why exactly you forgot something, and then, “forget” again.
  3. Ask Your Co-workers to Do Your Job: Especially if you know, that they know, that you know what to do. It’s incredibly obnoxious and makes you look rather lazy and entitled.
  4. Take Lots of Breaks: Make lots of quick, little, personal calls. A good goal is five a day – or more.
  5. Request Vacation: Be sure to ask for a vacation right away. Let your boss know it’s an absolute, family emergency set to happen three months from now. Lay on the guilt trip – bosses always appreciate it. Trust us on this one.
  6. Be Super Critical. Challenge everything: Don’t let them down easy either! After all, there’s always a way to do things better anyway — it’s just your job to let them in on the know-how.
  7. Lie: To make this especially dramatic, try telling various versions of your life story to people. For example, tell Sally that your dad left when you were a baby — you haven’t seen him since. Tell Bob you’re leaving early to golf with your dad.
  8. Talk About Greener Pastures: Tell everyone how much better it was at your last job. The pay was better. The work was easier. The hours were shorter. It was closer to home.
  9. Disregard Company Culture: Break all the unspoken rules. On the other hand, since it takes a while to learn them all, a general attitude of apathy should do the trick.
  10. Master Unpleasantness: We admit –this one’s a little low, but if you want to get fired, it’s a winner. Be churlish. Be rude. Be unkind. Gossip –a lot. Make this your motto, and you’ll be well on your way out of a job!

At Hamilton Connections, we hope we made you laugh – after all, laughter is the best medicine! Please, don’t take us seriously about all this, and avoid all of the above. Don’t forget, however, if you are on a job search; we can match you with the right job at the right company. We specialize in placing people where they belong.  Call today, and let’s get started!