You’re not a status quo sort of individual. That would be bland. And basic. And boring.
So, when your boss tells you they’re launching an Employee of the Month Program, you roll your eyes. Because who cares about recognition? After all, that’s what most employees want, but you’re not everyone else.
So, if you want to lose any chance, ever, of being the employee of the month, here’s how –
1. Arrive Late
We mean – not every day, just on specific days; Do it enough to be annoying, but not get fired. Give them every excuse in the book. Except, we wouldn’t use the “dog ate my homework” one. It’s unoriginal, and you’re not in school anymore.
2. Wreak Havoc in the Break Room
You were taught that if you make a mess, you clean it up. Not this time. Sure, clean up a little, but leave something undone. Oh, and don’t forget to bring lunch food that stinks — we’re talking hard-boiled eggs, brussels sprouts, and fish.
3. Gossip All the Time
Consider yourself the revolving door of information. Tell everyone everything that everyone tells you.
Although, chances are no one will want to tell you anything anyway. That’s fine. You’re not trying to make friends here.
4. Show Respect to No One
Regarding your co-workers, show no respect. Skip listening to them. Behave like you believe you’re always right. Under no circumstance should you be a team player.
And if you bring up politics — which you totally should…always — take the opposite view of whoever you’re talking to and hold on tight. Trust us. It’s maddening.
5. Be Curt to Customers
Customer service tends to be essential to employers, and it’s not your goal to lose your job.
You’re merely rebelling against the status quo.
So, don’t be rude, but merely polite and civil. Abrupt and efficient. Forget going the extra mile, and don’t ask customers about their grandkids.
6. Show Zero Initiative
Do the absolute bare minimum. Nothing more. Nothing less. Be as unexcited as you possibly can and still be doing your job.
7. Throw in a Couple of Lies
Just little white ones. Nothing super blatant. Just enough to ensure your managers and co-workers don’t completely trust you.
8. Nominate Yourself
Do it. And then sign your name to the nomination. Be that annoying person and lay the icing of the pesky individual on even thicker.
We promise — following these tips will ensure you never meet the criteria for Employee of the Month. Reasons for nomination will go out the door!
Obviously, this is a joke. (Or we hope it’s obvious.)
These are all things that you should NOT do. Not ever. Never. Period.
Whether you want the EOM, whether your company even has an EOM award…being on time, polite, respectful, interested, driven, honest, and kind are the things you make you an outstanding employee and bring immense personal satisfaction. After all, it’s not only about being an outstanding employee…but an upstanding person.
At Hamilton Connections, we know how to have a good laugh. And we also know how to connect you with the right job. Are you looking for that position that uses your skill and experience in a culture that fits? Contact us today!
We’re already looking forward to working with you!